Does everyone need a personal coach these days to help us survive life, or at least try and get the most from it?
More and more I think we do! It's a shame, as the only reason is because we've lost our way (meaning we used to have it). We have strayed from our path, our life lessons, lost in the thick of norms, technology, expectations, fears (real or imaginary), our selves and of course our beliefs!
When I coach people in either business life or outside of it, with horses or not, everyone has the answer to their own questions - without fail. Most of us just can't recognise those answers even when it jumps up and bangs us in the head! Nearly always, we refuse to give ourselves permission to believe in our own answers. A coach can help legitimise what we already know or what we discover with their help!
The life of a coach is highly rewarding, helping people find their way out of the maze or thick soup that life can feel like, day to day. For anyone with a horse in their care, I believe the horse can be our coach.
You've probably heard people talk about the horse being a 'mirror' and a great provider of feedback. I would agree. I also sense that our Horses can act as a personal 'accelerator' (on our journey of self development).
This accelerator will propel us forward. It won't necessarily mean we get from A to B in the fastest time, as we all know deviations appear that can slow us down. Every time we have a fall from a horse, or our horse suffers an injury it can act as a 'deviation' in the journey, and, it should always be welcomed as a necessary part of that journey, no matter how hard it is to view it that way.
Even a growing feeling of discontent with your current trainer, riding ability, or livery yard are all examples of deviations. On the good side they are 'wake up' calls! When they happen they are like a layer of an onion being peeled back to expose more of what we need to learn. It is the things that we learn from that tend to propel us forwards the most, help us to see more, understand deeper, and receive more back in return.
Set backs help us learn more about ourselves, what we think, how we feel and what we do that leads up to those 'deviation moments', and any patterns within them.
The personal self development journey available to each of us, is not a linear one. Nor is it a general trip that we are all on, instead it is a very individual route that we each chose to make, to start and maybe not finish, or in some cases ignore for our entire lifetime!
Ultimately, I believe that our horses have the potential to connect us back to what is important in life to us as individuals. They help us find simplicity and honesty, if we know where to look; to find an easier right of passage. Take as an example the debate about how much physical effort it takes to ride at Olympic level. This question was recently posed by a Canadian Blog called "Horse Listening".
Let's face it we have all dismounted from our horses hot, sweaty, puffing and blowing at one time or another, but do we stop to think about 'is that right?' 'Is there another way?' or 'should it be normal to end up red and dripping in sweat?'.
When you do stop to ask and ponder, you tend to suddenly come across someone who can show you "yes, it can be different" and they show you "how"! In my case it was Mario from Portugal, (see earlier Blog) who showed me that all that physical 'effort' is totally unnecessary, especially with a big warmblood like Grace.
Or, you find a video of others riding effortlessly without tack or gadgets, no reins to clutch and saddles to grip!
These become 'moments of truth' if we chose to see them as such. They prise open small gaps between our eye lids for the light to shine in, for us to glimpse a new perspective or way! But first, we have to face up to if we want an early divorce from our love affair with strife, effort, hard work and difficulty!
Horses provide a way to wake up and consider our legacy. A lifetime legacy or just the legacy we chose to leave behind... today, and today seems a good place to start!
To keep things practical a "daily legacy" can begin with one simple question:
How much sunlight do we emit for our horses or other humans around us? Have we helped others see what might be hidden from their view? Have we shined a light on what a horse needs or is trying to communicate? Have we had our own eyes opened a little more in return? Have we stopped to listen to what we say or look at how we interact with our horse? Or, do we blindly spend time in denial of our instincts, and those of our horses, shielded below dark clouds of ignorance?
When we stop to notice, think and reflect on these questions or any other, we begin to work out which version of 'me' shows up when we are with our horses, friends, family, or colleagues at work. Are we one way with our horses and another, at work? Are we all fun and consideration at work and a stubborn control seeking battle axe with our horse?
I'm using extremes to make a point here, but what I'm getting at is that the strongest legacies tend to be left by people who live a congruent life: they know who they are, they live that way at home and work etc. (sounds like a horse doesn't it)!
The alternative, living life wearing different 'masks' for different people and situations, is exhausting and can pull us further away from being more of our true self. (More of all the best bits at least, and why wouldn't we want more of that)?
The key in life besides learning to have fun, is to live in a consistent 'way'. To have different work masks, home mask and party face, confuses us and leaves those around us feeling uncertain of who we are. I wonder which mask we present to our horses, and with what level of consistently?
Horses help us to wake up and see more of ourselves, and what we can be when around them (good or bad). A subject for another day will be what we can do about it if what we see isn't how we want to be seen!
In the meantime, and as a forerunner to sharing tips on how to change aspects of our life or our behaviour that we take for granted, or don't understand ... consider this question:
Q) How many of us can honestly say we go through life with our eyes wide open? That we see, feel, hear, and sense our way through each moment, minute, hour and day? Or, that we know the difference between when we do, and when we don't?
The first step in working on yourself if you want to grow and develop, is to 'wake up'.
Step 1: Wake up!
Before we can wake up we have to know when we are asleep!
Another way of looking at this, is to consider yourself as a machine switch: with an on and off lever. The "on" mode puts you into automatic pilot with no responsibility for your actions, words or deeds. The "off" mode disables the auto-pilot and leaves you functioning in manual mode, on your own, with full responsibility for everything you do, say, and don't do or say!
In which situations could it be helpful to be on auto pilot, given that we aren't actually machines?
Remember the auto pilot is like a safety switch, it is there to help us survive!
When does the auto-pilot mode not serve us so well?
Actually, and rather frighteningly, for many of our daily interactions with others, here's a sampling:
More and more I think we do! It's a shame, as the only reason is because we've lost our way (meaning we used to have it). We have strayed from our path, our life lessons, lost in the thick of norms, technology, expectations, fears (real or imaginary), our selves and of course our beliefs!
When I coach people in either business life or outside of it, with horses or not, everyone has the answer to their own questions - without fail. Most of us just can't recognise those answers even when it jumps up and bangs us in the head! Nearly always, we refuse to give ourselves permission to believe in our own answers. A coach can help legitimise what we already know or what we discover with their help!
The life of a coach is highly rewarding, helping people find their way out of the maze or thick soup that life can feel like, day to day. For anyone with a horse in their care, I believe the horse can be our coach.
You've probably heard people talk about the horse being a 'mirror' and a great provider of feedback. I would agree. I also sense that our Horses can act as a personal 'accelerator' (on our journey of self development).
This accelerator will propel us forward. It won't necessarily mean we get from A to B in the fastest time, as we all know deviations appear that can slow us down. Every time we have a fall from a horse, or our horse suffers an injury it can act as a 'deviation' in the journey, and, it should always be welcomed as a necessary part of that journey, no matter how hard it is to view it that way.
Even a growing feeling of discontent with your current trainer, riding ability, or livery yard are all examples of deviations. On the good side they are 'wake up' calls! When they happen they are like a layer of an onion being peeled back to expose more of what we need to learn. It is the things that we learn from that tend to propel us forwards the most, help us to see more, understand deeper, and receive more back in return.
Deviations can help us remember what connects us to horses in the first place!
Set backs help us learn more about ourselves, what we think, how we feel and what we do that leads up to those 'deviation moments', and any patterns within them.
The personal self development journey available to each of us, is not a linear one. Nor is it a general trip that we are all on, instead it is a very individual route that we each chose to make, to start and maybe not finish, or in some cases ignore for our entire lifetime!
Ultimately, I believe that our horses have the potential to connect us back to what is important in life to us as individuals. They help us find simplicity and honesty, if we know where to look; to find an easier right of passage. Take as an example the debate about how much physical effort it takes to ride at Olympic level. This question was recently posed by a Canadian Blog called "Horse Listening".
Let's face it we have all dismounted from our horses hot, sweaty, puffing and blowing at one time or another, but do we stop to think about 'is that right?' 'Is there another way?' or 'should it be normal to end up red and dripping in sweat?'.
When you do stop to ask and ponder, you tend to suddenly come across someone who can show you "yes, it can be different" and they show you "how"! In my case it was Mario from Portugal, (see earlier Blog) who showed me that all that physical 'effort' is totally unnecessary, especially with a big warmblood like Grace.
Or, you find a video of others riding effortlessly without tack or gadgets, no reins to clutch and saddles to grip!
These become 'moments of truth' if we chose to see them as such. They prise open small gaps between our eye lids for the light to shine in, for us to glimpse a new perspective or way! But first, we have to face up to if we want an early divorce from our love affair with strife, effort, hard work and difficulty!
Horses provide a way to wake up and consider our legacy. A lifetime legacy or just the legacy we chose to leave behind... today, and today seems a good place to start!
To keep things practical a "daily legacy" can begin with one simple question:
"what do we actually leave behind, when we exit the barn each evening: sunshine or clouds?"
How much sunlight do we emit for our horses or other humans around us? Have we helped others see what might be hidden from their view? Have we shined a light on what a horse needs or is trying to communicate? Have we had our own eyes opened a little more in return? Have we stopped to listen to what we say or look at how we interact with our horse? Or, do we blindly spend time in denial of our instincts, and those of our horses, shielded below dark clouds of ignorance?
When we stop to notice, think and reflect on these questions or any other, we begin to work out which version of 'me' shows up when we are with our horses, friends, family, or colleagues at work. Are we one way with our horses and another, at work? Are we all fun and consideration at work and a stubborn control seeking battle axe with our horse?
I'm using extremes to make a point here, but what I'm getting at is that the strongest legacies tend to be left by people who live a congruent life: they know who they are, they live that way at home and work etc. (sounds like a horse doesn't it)!
The alternative, living life wearing different 'masks' for different people and situations, is exhausting and can pull us further away from being more of our true self. (More of all the best bits at least, and why wouldn't we want more of that)?
Mask wearing is another deviation in our journey and delays our personal growth from living a fulfilling life.
The key in life besides learning to have fun, is to live in a consistent 'way'. To have different work masks, home mask and party face, confuses us and leaves those around us feeling uncertain of who we are. I wonder which mask we present to our horses, and with what level of consistently?
Horses help us to wake up and see more of ourselves, and what we can be when around them (good or bad). A subject for another day will be what we can do about it if what we see isn't how we want to be seen!
In the meantime, and as a forerunner to sharing tips on how to change aspects of our life or our behaviour that we take for granted, or don't understand ... consider this question:
Q) How many of us can honestly say we go through life with our eyes wide open? That we see, feel, hear, and sense our way through each moment, minute, hour and day? Or, that we know the difference between when we do, and when we don't?
The first step in working on yourself if you want to grow and develop, is to 'wake up'.
Step 1: Wake up!
Before we can wake up we have to know when we are asleep!
Another way of looking at this, is to consider yourself as a machine switch: with an on and off lever. The "on" mode puts you into automatic pilot with no responsibility for your actions, words or deeds. The "off" mode disables the auto-pilot and leaves you functioning in manual mode, on your own, with full responsibility for everything you do, say, and don't do or say!
In which situations could it be helpful to be on auto pilot, given that we aren't actually machines?
Remember the auto pilot is like a safety switch, it is there to help us survive!
- Important bodily functions that need to be automated such as breathing, blinking, sweating, digestion etc. are all served well by a neurological auto-pilot mode; the autonomic nervous system.
- Knowing when to run from a stranger in a dark alley is a good example of being on auto-pilot.
- Knowing when NOT to get on your horse and listening to that instinct is another great survival application of being on auto-pilot.
- Knowing that last time you put your hand into a hot fire, it hurt so it's likely to hurt again - will no doubt be true and your auto-pilot has every right to be in charge!
- Etc.
When does the auto-pilot mode not serve us so well?
Actually, and rather frighteningly, for many of our daily interactions with others, here's a sampling:
- All those times when you say things you wish you hadn't and even wonder why you did and anyway "where did all that anger come from" that was loaded behind it? (Auto pilot)!
- All those times you did something without considering an alternative possibility. Even the days you go to work the same route, because that's what you do.
- When you did or said something to someone you cared about even though you KNEW it would cause hurt, anger or upset, but you went ahead anyway.
- All the times you went ahead and 'nagged' someone, instead of letting it go, when on a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being death) it really only warranted a 3!
- Each time you flew off the handle and couldn't help yourself!
- Moments where you were spiteful, hateful, unkind, uncaring, unloving, dishonest - all circumstances of being on auto-pilot where your control centre thinks they know best for that situation.
- Every time you lied to yourself pretending you weren't!
- When you lied to someone else!
- Every time you don't stand up for what you want, feel or is important to you.
- Each moment when you feel hurt or shameful because someone else has told you you should!
- Every day that passes where we don't challenge ourselves, learn something new or question what we are doing with our lives.
- Whenever we take the easy 'typical' or expected road versus carving out our own.
- When you know you shouldn't ride for whatever reason, but you do to prove a point!
- When you criticise yourself or your husband or horse.
- When you ignore your instincts and rug up your horse because everyone else does!
- When you ignore logic and nature because your vets says he doesn't understand your point of view and he must know better right!!
- Etc. Etc. Fill in your own ....
A life with horses is full of daily opportunities to stay on 'auto-pilot' mode or chose to switch if off!
I think this is why 'quiet time' with our horse where we SHUT UP and stop talking, and where 'no agenda' time can be so valuable in helping us to tune into ourselves and what we are doing, and wake up! By doing "less" in this way allows us to flick our auto-pilot switch to the "off" position, wake up and take back control of what we leave in our wake!
To receive lessons our horses offer, we need to be paying attention in class! Homework would entail counting how many times a day, we operated WHILST metaphorically speaking being fast asleep! (Remember the sample list above of when this is in play)!
I think this is why 'quiet time' with our horse where we SHUT UP and stop talking, and where 'no agenda' time can be so valuable in helping us to tune into ourselves and what we are doing, and wake up! By doing "less" in this way allows us to flick our auto-pilot switch to the "off" position, wake up and take back control of what we leave in our wake!
To receive lessons our horses offer, we need to be paying attention in class! Homework would entail counting how many times a day, we operated WHILST metaphorically speaking being fast asleep! (Remember the sample list above of when this is in play)!
"people remember us for what we do and how we make others feel,
not for what we say"
not for what we say"
...unless you're Shakespeare or Oliver Wild!
As we craft a legacy I'm sure our horses can provide more than just a helpful nudge in the right direction of what to look at and where to start. Is it worth considering them as our coach? I believe so, after all, what will our horses remember about us, says so much about who shows up when we're around them!
A great thing about questions is that it gives us a map to explore for finding answers within. If we do open ourselves up to our horse as our coach, they have enough patience and compassion to bear with us as we search.
- Will they have felt that we knew them, and honoured their needs?
- Will they be grateful for our compassion, companionship and selfless-ness?
- Will they have felt our gratitude towards them, for having been our teachers?
- Will they remember us for having left them bathed in the healing powers of sunshine or depressed by the clouds of our ignorance and ego?
A great thing about questions is that it gives us a map to explore for finding answers within. If we do open ourselves up to our horse as our coach, they have enough patience and compassion to bear with us as we search.
Thought provoking - thank you!
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